Growing Up

Anyone who's been around me long enough knows that I'm an honest and decisive person. I recently got some closure on a lets say "outstanding" relationships. Outstanding as in never been closed and we just stopped talking but we never really broke up. It sounds sort of dumb but you would be surprised how women hold on to things. So early this weekend I made sure I ended that relationship. I gave her my reasons, made sure she was cool and let her speak her mind on it. She said she respect my decision but Im thinking after this long why would you still think we were together. She's not an ugly girl and personality is GREAT. She's just soooooooo needy to me. She used to always say "I Love You" all the time like she needed me to reassure her. I just knew we werent compatible. Sometimes love isn't enough.


Another thought:
When I 1st started throwing parties, I knew a lot of people in my crew didnt agree or like a lot of the things i did but they misunderstood why I did certain things. 1- The name we ran under directly reflected my reputation so when something went wrong people weren't going to blame them. It would all land on me and I can handle that but when something went wrong no one spoke up to take blame but 1 or 2 people but when we were sucessful then everyone wanted a part of it. When I lead, even when I can't do something I know someone who can so I wont steer you wrong. I don't think it's a 2. I lost my thought on this.

My friend recently came back from Iraq. We used to be best friends until we started growing apart for too many reasons. He still feels like I have beef towards him and I don't. We're cool i just dont fuck with him on certain things. I still got love for him regardless of what anyone says but I learn that people out grow each other. He's engaged to get married which I don't think he's ready for but if he's happy then I'm all for it. I haven't seen him pursue his dreams and I don't feel a man can get married until he does or he will forever live with regret. If he died and had kids I would look after them no questions asked. I just know how to deal with him at this time and until I find a different way this is how i will remain.

Absence........

It's been a little time since I've updated my blog and as usual a lot has happened. I talked to my dad who's in jail. He called me and all my sisters to let us know when he'll be out. My mom being who she is could care less lol. She's always would tell us that he didn't want to see us but she just was keeping him away from us. People hold grudges for too long but on the other hand I can see where she's coming from. He was in and out of our lives until I turned 18. Since I turned 18 and moved out he's been pretty steady. He's the person who always tells me.."if you need anything..you know im a call away". I don't think women understand whats its like to grown up without a father figure and not having someone who understands your thoughts. I stayed in a house with 4 women for 18 years and it was NOT easy at all. I had my grandfather around but I just never really been close to him. I never felt like I could be myself around him because he's such a "Holy Roller". I can talk to my pops about ANYTHING and he understands and give me advice. He calls every few days to check on me and we kick shit and watch sports. I never had that with my mother because she had 3 girls she had to focus on so I always did my own thing which honestly made me stronger. It probably the reason why its always been easy for me to make friends.

Bonita Applebum

You ever like this chick but you know the time wasn't right. You wouldn't cheat on her or anything but you have things you're pursuing that needs your attention and it wouldn't be fair to her. #sighs yeah me either *sarcastic tone*. She's actually been a inspiration too because I be finishing every thing on time. #secretMuse lol until the right time she'll just be on my wishlist...she's what I want but not what i need right now and there is a difference