Statistics

So I finally talked to my pops who is incarcerated at this moment and he gets out on June 2nd...actually good hearing from him. For the little time he had, he said so much to me. After I soaked those thoughts in it made me work even harder. I can't make the same mistakes that he and my uncle made. I can't struggle and live paycheck to paycheck. I can't sell drugs and have to look over my shoulder worrying about who's trying to kill me. I gotta be more than just BLACK. You name it I've seen my family have to deal with it or do it. Drugs, Murder, Counterfeit, Rape, and a million other things. How one of my best homies put it "Just a family of crooks" lmao...Luckily most of it has just been on my father's side which my moms has always tried to keep my sisters and I away from it. People don't know what it's like to struggle and seeing your family having to do what they have to do to survive..thats why i understand but i dont condone it. It's always a way out ALWAYS. Those who grew up with everything they want never really appreciate it. It's a blessing but yet a curse. If you get everything you want, you get lazy or you're very unappreciative. Luckily I always had my mama who struggled and had 2 or 3 jobs to raise 4 kids and she went back to get her degree and is working on her masters as we speak. gotta love her! I could've easily fell into the bullshit but after a few ass whoopings your mind tends to change lol. i will never forget what I've seen and been thru. Its part of me...It made me who I am. Failing is not an option right now. So whatever it is you really wanna do with your life fiend for it, think of it, speak on it, wish for it, dream of it just dont let it take you to your grave(jail).

Growing Up

Anyone who's been around me long enough knows that I'm an honest and decisive person. I recently got some closure on a lets say "outstanding" relationships. Outstanding as in never been closed and we just stopped talking but we never really broke up. It sounds sort of dumb but you would be surprised how women hold on to things. So early this weekend I made sure I ended that relationship. I gave her my reasons, made sure she was cool and let her speak her mind on it. She said she respect my decision but Im thinking after this long why would you still think we were together. She's not an ugly girl and personality is GREAT. She's just soooooooo needy to me. She used to always say "I Love You" all the time like she needed me to reassure her. I just knew we werent compatible. Sometimes love isn't enough.


Another thought:
When I 1st started throwing parties, I knew a lot of people in my crew didnt agree or like a lot of the things i did but they misunderstood why I did certain things. 1- The name we ran under directly reflected my reputation so when something went wrong people weren't going to blame them. It would all land on me and I can handle that but when something went wrong no one spoke up to take blame but 1 or 2 people but when we were sucessful then everyone wanted a part of it. When I lead, even when I can't do something I know someone who can so I wont steer you wrong. I don't think it's a 2. I lost my thought on this.

My friend recently came back from Iraq. We used to be best friends until we started growing apart for too many reasons. He still feels like I have beef towards him and I don't. We're cool i just dont fuck with him on certain things. I still got love for him regardless of what anyone says but I learn that people out grow each other. He's engaged to get married which I don't think he's ready for but if he's happy then I'm all for it. I haven't seen him pursue his dreams and I don't feel a man can get married until he does or he will forever live with regret. If he died and had kids I would look after them no questions asked. I just know how to deal with him at this time and until I find a different way this is how i will remain.

Absence........

It's been a little time since I've updated my blog and as usual a lot has happened. I talked to my dad who's in jail. He called me and all my sisters to let us know when he'll be out. My mom being who she is could care less lol. She's always would tell us that he didn't want to see us but she just was keeping him away from us. People hold grudges for too long but on the other hand I can see where she's coming from. He was in and out of our lives until I turned 18. Since I turned 18 and moved out he's been pretty steady. He's the person who always tells me.."if you need anything..you know im a call away". I don't think women understand whats its like to grown up without a father figure and not having someone who understands your thoughts. I stayed in a house with 4 women for 18 years and it was NOT easy at all. I had my grandfather around but I just never really been close to him. I never felt like I could be myself around him because he's such a "Holy Roller". I can talk to my pops about ANYTHING and he understands and give me advice. He calls every few days to check on me and we kick shit and watch sports. I never had that with my mother because she had 3 girls she had to focus on so I always did my own thing which honestly made me stronger. It probably the reason why its always been easy for me to make friends.

Bonita Applebum

You ever like this chick but you know the time wasn't right. You wouldn't cheat on her or anything but you have things you're pursuing that needs your attention and it wouldn't be fair to her. #sighs yeah me either *sarcastic tone*. She's actually been a inspiration too because I be finishing every thing on time. #secretMuse lol until the right time she'll just be on my wishlist...she's what I want but not what i need right now and there is a difference

Stop existing,,,Start living

These past couple of weeks have been a tornado of emotions but none of my own. My emotions are always pretty stable on situations because I always seem to express them. This is also why its so hard for me to blog. With all the homies I hang around with I start to notice why I have to do some of the things I do. I understand that every thing that comes to my mind I shouldn't do but that never stops me from trying them. One of my homies that was my best friend just came back from the Army and he's engaged. I know he's not ready because I know him. Nevertheless, I support him. I don't think anyone should get engaged or married before we have pursued & achieved or failed at our dreams no matter how far-fetched they seem to be. So in turn you wont have any regrets or open wounds in your life. It's no problem with having an relationships but you need that one that understands exactly what you're trying to do and will support you through it all. Ok enough on that situation...

I don't like for people to sit around and talk about you but then they don't know that everything gets back to you. Anything I say when someone is not present I will say it in their presence. Simple. I know people talk about me all the time but it will never rile me up because I could care less what they think as long as they're thinking about me. With that being said, I know I can control your emotions in some type of way. I know exactly what I'm doing before I do anything. People will always say "T did this"or "Fresh did that" but only 1 person 1has told me the truth about myself outside of my family. That's why when someone comes to me and says he said this and that...I laugh cause he's already told me what he thinks about me and I do the same to him. That's why we get along the way we do.

For the people saying I been laying low for a min...its for good reason. I'll surface soon...I know exactly what I'm doing and this team I just built will CHANGE EVERYTHING....you can call me anything but I DON'T FAIL I ADAPT.

I didn't really know to title this cause I'm just expressing my thoughts. A LOT of things have changed since my last blog. Every goal I have set so far is happening. All through hard work & prayer. My creativity is probably at an all-time high. I don't try to really think outside the box. I really ask myself, "what would you do?" I feel its the only way you can live. Life starts when u start doing what you want and not what someone else wants you to do. I gained a few enemies and even made some of the people that are closest to me EXTREMELY angry. I had to do what I had to do though. If I don't my heart then I would resent myself. I decided to lay off relationships for a minute just to focus on myself. The right woman will show up at the right time and I wont have to change anything I do because she'll fit perfectly. I have some strong woman in my life (my mother & sisters) and for them to put up with the things I do I am grateful because it does take strong women to deal with me. They don't agree with everything I do but they still support me. That all I ask because I will put myself in my place before anyone else will. I'm aware of everything I can and am capable of doing. to be continued

Sex and Theatrics

So me and my best partner were just talking about sex and women lol as usual. Then, we have both came up with the thing. You don't fall in love with dick or pussy. You fall in love with the theatrics of the situations. You even orgasm off the theatrics. He was saying he even when you're getting head from an "ugly chick" and she has sex traits (big lips, booty, etc)...its not the head..its the excitement of the sex traits ALWAYS. When someone goes back to a person for sex then its no cause their "sex" is good. It's the things they do and how they make u feel. The sex in itself doesn't capture you. A dude can have a big dick and a female still won't orgasm if she doesn't like him or the things he does around her. If a guy doesn't have sex often, of course he's going to think a girl pussy is good for the simple fact that he's not getting it on the regular. She might be the only girl he's had in a min so that's he thinks she's the best. It's the same with women, if she's only had sex with one guy of course she's going to think he's the best because he was her first so she has nothing else to compare him. The only reason she'll go back to him is because he was her first and that is the theatrics surrounding it. Its not the sex at all. Sex is so mental its ridiculous. When a guy meets a chick, and they have sex in a matter of hours or a day. It's not the sex, its cause he had sex with her that fast. All of this came to me because my ex said she KNOWS i was the best sex she had when honestly she was not. It was ok but it was the bond we had that made it good and my feelings for her. It was mental stimulation that I got front her.