Climbing....

"New Year..New Things" It has always been the saying and with good reason. I'm not bring the same thing from my past into this year. I figure if I don't change now..I probably never will. It's not that I'm stubborn, I'm just determined to achieve my goals. I rather be the smoker than get the second hand benefits. Basically, I'm saying if you're going to do something do it all the way or not at all. Take the good and bad of a situation. Everything needs balance. No exceptions. Honestly I been in school..just writing papers..and doing things I already know how to do. Not going to drop out but like the Bible says "A man's gift makes room for him". I dislike when people think education is the key to success. Please don't misunderstand. I believe in education but if it was the key to success then everyone with degrees and a PH.D. would be financially secure and happy. I know plenty of people who hate going to work Monday mornings that have degrees and are in their field. One of my best friends, he graduated from school in '06 with a degree in Computer Arts..basically graphic designing and video and all. He got a job when he came out of school and then he lost it like a few months later (company downsizing). He hasnt had a job since BUT he still has ALOT of clients and still does the same thing he was doing at the company and is making more doing freelance work. That alone made me believe that your gift will make a way

Release

Have you ever stayed in the shower so long cause u felt like you problems were washing down the drain with the water? I just spent 30-40 minutes just standing there. As easy as it is for me to rid myself of my problems..I don't want to be an asshole about it. This is strange because it's easy for me to be one. Every time I know I have problems I just think about people who have it worse than I do. I'm living, breathing, & have everything I need not want. It's funny how you can lead a group of people and make a decision with the snap of a finger but when it comes to your own life it's the hardest decision EVER. A perfect example with music, I can probably tell you any song or sound I hear and how to manipulate it to fit anything. I've always been sure of what I wanted to do since I hit 16. I've fairly master the art of DJ'ing because I personally feel like no one is better than me. I know how to sing but its not a passion for me. The only reason I ever done cause it amuses females. I played the guitar for a little bit and as much as I loved it..still not the passion but I love it. Now by saying this, I'm learning that you can love someone but not have a passion for them. If I don't feel that someone consistently loves me..I lose my passion to see them or be around them. It just always click in my head, If I can't love a woman with mind and heart then I cant love her. All your dick does is reinforce the love you have with your mind and heart. I wonder do people notice how different sex is when you love someone compared to when you just fucking someone? I doubt it. Some can't even tell the difference between good sex and bad sex.

Is Standing Out really fitting in these days?

I notice a lot of people try to be so "weird" and it really irritates me. I wanna pierce this or get a tattoo for this. It seems to me that's what everyone is doing. I don't care about people with tattoos they have for a reason but not females who has sleeves of tattoos. When did this shit become hot? Last I knew, if everyone is doing it that means that's the in-crowd. I miss women who just do something to their hair, maybe a little make up and she's ready to roll. Now I see I 16 piercings and I'm like damn...why pierce your face? How does piercing your damn cheeks help unless you plan on being a bartender your whole life. Dudes wanna be so cool that it makes them look lame. They try to be so funny that it makes them look corny. Then, they try to be so smooth that it makes them look lame. Be who you are! If people can't except that then keep it going or give them rehab activities like KICKING ROCKS!

It was you....

Lookin for how i see it
when i finally realized couldn't believe it
i couldn't, even swallow
had a lump in my throat my stomach hollow
i had a notion that things were fishy
but everything was fine so why be pissy
but when you wasn't seeing me nights you get in
thats when the snoopin and shit it would begin
where you at?
where you going?
thats what i get when i pick up the phone
not a hello or i miss you
or the renaissance how does it do?
suspicious ones go few
can stress out your brain
it weighs on your mane
and helps you peep game i thought it was me
but then i could it see
it was you
its you
at the end of it all it was you
i couldn't take it
but the spell of love
i couldn't shake it
even though i would discover
that there was somebody else
who was your lover
you gave me up
and managed to turn the tables
and all your honest words they turn to fables
the things that you would accuse me of
it seem were the things you were doin love
get it? these things you projected
and i don't want to be affected
but when you get in love
its never easy love
to make decisions of
you've defected
you were doin so much to try to pin me
goin through all my stuff but it was empty
answers, that im seekin
well it seem im gettin close
that im reachin
and i was thinkin i had no reason
callin you a culprit it was treason
and the twinkle in your eye
it was kinda not for love
and tell me why?
we'll make amends if you admit it
we can ascend if you're commited
your heart, is it in it?
if it goes for many days
sweet love can decay from you

its you
at the end of it all it was you

Thank you, Q-Tip

Tonight, my ex came over to my apartment. Even though my 40 days is up, I still couldn't go through with having sex with her. During this 40 day period, I learned that sex is that must be better when its with someone you care about. Anyone can fuck..that's what you do when you want a nut. This came to me all of a sudden, if all your relationship is worth is a few nuts then its only worth a few seconds. I want the type of love that you zone out to and you don't know what's happening to you til its over. idk just a thought.

I never understand why people always want to be something they're not. People front saying I have this and that or I'm the shit cause I know this or that person. WHO CARES! You are who you are..it was determined way before you got here. If you have to lie to someone just to be in a relationship with them , who are you once you get into that relationship? You have to constantly lie and always put up fake facades. Just thinking about it has my brain hurting. You don't even love who you are so how can you love someone else. God doesn't make mistakes.

Quick Random Thought

I consider myself the type of dude that's understanding, loving, considerate, affectionate, mature. Basically I'm an all around type of dude. I want my girl to have her own life outside of me and be able to do her thing with her friends not have to worry about this "checking in" bullshit cause i could care as long as u having a good time and not disrespecting what we have. And when u want to spend time with me that's cool with me. We can go out and do whatever. But I want to be able to do different sh*t for my woman. Ex. Cook for her, sing 2 her, give a little massage, or just sit and talk to her for a little while to see what's really going on in her life and how i can make it run smoother. But I feel as if some women don't really appreciate things these days. I got a job which requires a lot of my time but I still would make time for my girl. But please don't complain about the things that you cannot fix. Ok Ok your ex bf cheated on you and broke your heart. ok, I'm hear to heal it. Why spend timeless nights crying over someone who treated you like you're nothing when u have a dude ready to treat you like his everything. If women would just learn how to weave out these nothing ass dudes that would solve 95% of your stress. You fall in love in the club and that's exactly what you get a " Mr. Right Now". We really have to put the "relate" back in relationships. Cute only gets you so far, Money on covers your financial, So when you get to really knowing each other u finally realize why you two are together in the first place. Either sex, money, or looks.

FREE!!

Ok so the 40 days were up midnight this past Friday (12/18). One word..RELIEF! lol! I actually learned a lot about myself through this experience. I learned what women I actually like to deal with & could just sit and talk with anytime. I also learned of the ones I just wanted around for certain reasons. I honestly thought I was going to make it but I'm proud of myself. I didn't go past the 40 days though lol..sad but happy(can u be sad & happy *shrugs*) to say it. I'm not going to go into details about that situation. It's never been my style to kiss and tell and probably never will be. I always have enough eyes on me anyway so why let people into your personal life like that.

I'm also free of alot of bs in my life as well. I actually manage to stay single this time. I got burnt out going in and out of relationships. I had to stop talking to women just cause they were there. I know they were mad about what I chose to do but at least I was man enough to admit the truth. I hate doing something just cause it makes me comfortable. I know I can have sex with my ex but that's the only thing there. I can't believe I'm saying this but there are things more important than sex. I see what some of my friends mean when they with their chicks. Love is like watching your favorite show with you even if I don't like it. Laying in the bed with my head in your lap and just talking to her about anything. I heard this somewhere before but I really do want to "make love for days." The communication, the honesty, & the happiness.