Tonight, my ex came over to my apartment. Even though my 40 days is up, I still couldn't go through with having sex with her. During this 40 day period, I learned that sex is that must be better when its with someone you care about. Anyone can fuck..that's what you do when you want a nut. This came to me all of a sudden, if all your relationship is worth is a few nuts then its only worth a few seconds. I want the type of love that you zone out to and you don't know what's happening to you til its over. idk just a thought.

I never understand why people always want to be something they're not. People front saying I have this and that or I'm the shit cause I know this or that person. WHO CARES! You are who you are..it was determined way before you got here. If you have to lie to someone just to be in a relationship with them , who are you once you get into that relationship? You have to constantly lie and always put up fake facades. Just thinking about it has my brain hurting. You don't even love who you are so how can you love someone else. God doesn't make mistakes.