Is Standing Out really fitting in these days?

I notice a lot of people try to be so "weird" and it really irritates me. I wanna pierce this or get a tattoo for this. It seems to me that's what everyone is doing. I don't care about people with tattoos they have for a reason but not females who has sleeves of tattoos. When did this shit become hot? Last I knew, if everyone is doing it that means that's the in-crowd. I miss women who just do something to their hair, maybe a little make up and she's ready to roll. Now I see I 16 piercings and I'm like damn...why pierce your face? How does piercing your damn cheeks help unless you plan on being a bartender your whole life. Dudes wanna be so cool that it makes them look lame. They try to be so funny that it makes them look corny. Then, they try to be so smooth that it makes them look lame. Be who you are! If people can't except that then keep it going or give them rehab activities like KICKING ROCKS!

It was you....

Lookin for how i see it
when i finally realized couldn't believe it
i couldn't, even swallow
had a lump in my throat my stomach hollow
i had a notion that things were fishy
but everything was fine so why be pissy
but when you wasn't seeing me nights you get in
thats when the snoopin and shit it would begin
where you at?
where you going?
thats what i get when i pick up the phone
not a hello or i miss you
or the renaissance how does it do?
suspicious ones go few
can stress out your brain
it weighs on your mane
and helps you peep game i thought it was me
but then i could it see
it was you
its you
at the end of it all it was you
i couldn't take it
but the spell of love
i couldn't shake it
even though i would discover
that there was somebody else
who was your lover
you gave me up
and managed to turn the tables
and all your honest words they turn to fables
the things that you would accuse me of
it seem were the things you were doin love
get it? these things you projected
and i don't want to be affected
but when you get in love
its never easy love
to make decisions of
you've defected
you were doin so much to try to pin me
goin through all my stuff but it was empty
answers, that im seekin
well it seem im gettin close
that im reachin
and i was thinkin i had no reason
callin you a culprit it was treason
and the twinkle in your eye
it was kinda not for love
and tell me why?
we'll make amends if you admit it
we can ascend if you're commited
your heart, is it in it?
if it goes for many days
sweet love can decay from you

its you
at the end of it all it was you

Thank you, Q-Tip

Tonight, my ex came over to my apartment. Even though my 40 days is up, I still couldn't go through with having sex with her. During this 40 day period, I learned that sex is that must be better when its with someone you care about. Anyone can fuck..that's what you do when you want a nut. This came to me all of a sudden, if all your relationship is worth is a few nuts then its only worth a few seconds. I want the type of love that you zone out to and you don't know what's happening to you til its over. idk just a thought.

I never understand why people always want to be something they're not. People front saying I have this and that or I'm the shit cause I know this or that person. WHO CARES! You are who you are..it was determined way before you got here. If you have to lie to someone just to be in a relationship with them , who are you once you get into that relationship? You have to constantly lie and always put up fake facades. Just thinking about it has my brain hurting. You don't even love who you are so how can you love someone else. God doesn't make mistakes.

Quick Random Thought

I consider myself the type of dude that's understanding, loving, considerate, affectionate, mature. Basically I'm an all around type of dude. I want my girl to have her own life outside of me and be able to do her thing with her friends not have to worry about this "checking in" bullshit cause i could care as long as u having a good time and not disrespecting what we have. And when u want to spend time with me that's cool with me. We can go out and do whatever. But I want to be able to do different sh*t for my woman. Ex. Cook for her, sing 2 her, give a little massage, or just sit and talk to her for a little while to see what's really going on in her life and how i can make it run smoother. But I feel as if some women don't really appreciate things these days. I got a job which requires a lot of my time but I still would make time for my girl. But please don't complain about the things that you cannot fix. Ok Ok your ex bf cheated on you and broke your heart. ok, I'm hear to heal it. Why spend timeless nights crying over someone who treated you like you're nothing when u have a dude ready to treat you like his everything. If women would just learn how to weave out these nothing ass dudes that would solve 95% of your stress. You fall in love in the club and that's exactly what you get a " Mr. Right Now". We really have to put the "relate" back in relationships. Cute only gets you so far, Money on covers your financial, So when you get to really knowing each other u finally realize why you two are together in the first place. Either sex, money, or looks.

FREE!!

Ok so the 40 days were up midnight this past Friday (12/18). One word..RELIEF! lol! I actually learned a lot about myself through this experience. I learned what women I actually like to deal with & could just sit and talk with anytime. I also learned of the ones I just wanted around for certain reasons. I honestly thought I was going to make it but I'm proud of myself. I didn't go past the 40 days though lol..sad but happy(can u be sad & happy *shrugs*) to say it. I'm not going to go into details about that situation. It's never been my style to kiss and tell and probably never will be. I always have enough eyes on me anyway so why let people into your personal life like that.

I'm also free of alot of bs in my life as well. I actually manage to stay single this time. I got burnt out going in and out of relationships. I had to stop talking to women just cause they were there. I know they were mad about what I chose to do but at least I was man enough to admit the truth. I hate doing something just cause it makes me comfortable. I know I can have sex with my ex but that's the only thing there. I can't believe I'm saying this but there are things more important than sex. I see what some of my friends mean when they with their chicks. Love is like watching your favorite show with you even if I don't like it. Laying in the bed with my head in your lap and just talking to her about anything. I heard this somewhere before but I really do want to "make love for days." The communication, the honesty, & the happiness.

My tears are bullet & my eyes are a loaded gun

It's funny how you don't want to talk to a person but you answer the phone every time they call. Emotions get fucked up and all of a sudden you dont know how to feel. Well that's not the case. As much as my heart want this, I know this girl is not good for me AT ALL. I'm usually never weak for a chick but it was different with her. Basically, I did everything I said I wouldn't do. I'm over it but I just feel like the situation is not closed. I need some reasons cause its some creatures growing deep inside me and I really need to free them. My insecurities and worries are no longer there. I give people advice all the time & it took me a minute but I finally took my own advice. After we broke up, I went through chicks..not something I'm proud of but it happened. *sighs* Right now I just feel like I'm reading a book..its full of pages but with no words. I guess after being the heart breaker it was only right for it to happen to me sooner or later.

Morning Thoughts

Have you ever had a time where your heart is all over the place? Like you this person then all of a sudden you like another one. I meet a lot of women but its not the same as meeting someone you actually like. The only reason I chill with them is so I won't be alone at times. MAybe that's selfish but I can't help it. *shrugs* Don't get me wrong because I've never been the type to play with anyone emotions. I know once I find a chick I like that i'll be cool and won't be like this. This was one of my purpose of the "40 days" . I want it to be more than just sex with a chick. ok that's all for now

My 40 days situation

Ok so Im still in this no sex activity for 40 days and nights. As hard as this has been, it also made realize a lot of things about myself and the women I choose to deal with. The other day I slipped but I didn't break. I unintentionally stiffed arm this girl and I was truly sorry for doing it but I only have 14 days left and I didn't come that far to quit. I honestly didn't have any feelings for her. The past times we did things and my emotions were not attached to it at all. I think her feelings were attached and I did my best to explain my situation to her and she said "I think you have a girl but just don't want to tell me." So after saying no again. She left & I don't think I'm going to talk to her again because I never really was attracted to her. She just had sex traits. For those that do not know sex traits are: nice booty, lips, hips, etc., etc. I been on a dates with these two women. The 1st date sucked cause she was cute no doubt but couldn't keep my interest for more than a few seconds. I was tweeting and texting all night. I still don't understand how you can be that cute but personality suck ass. UGH! shit disgusts me. The second date was pretty cool we went to this pottery place and made pottery and got to paint it. She was easy to talk to but I feel like she fell right into a friend slot because I feel any attraction between us. No spark at all but she is cool as hell. This 40 day thing has its up and down cause I'm cool one day but the next 3 or 4 days I feel like I'm 12 years old again and its my 1st time seeing girls with bodies. UGHHHH! that felt R. Kelly-ish so scratch that thought. Its been plenty of times I been like "fuck this..Im fucking tonight" but then I notice I have people who don't actually expect me to finish and some that are cheering me to the finish line. My ego kicks in and I hate feeling like I gave up on something soooooo I'm definitely finishing

Emotions..

I swear this week has been a whirlwind of emotions. My ex who I care deeply about but def not in love with anymore has been blowing me up. Phone or text..you name it she's done it. It's kind of funny cause she said I've changed a lot and that I shouldn't treat her like any other girl but I don't have reason to treat her like she's special anymore. I loved her. I lost her. I fell in love with her again. Lost her again. That happened one too many times..so this past March I left my emotions for that situation in the driveway where we last talked. I learn that by listening to my heart I was putting myself in the worse situations. I found out the problem with following your heart usually means chasing after whatever feels right at the moment whether or not if its actually right. People forget that feelings and emotions are shallow, fickle, and unreliable. The truth is our hearts are selfish and sinful.

"The Heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

My Life In The Sunshine or lack thereof

Well this will be my personal blog about my life since some of friends say I need one so I probably update this more than anything. So for my readers...I dont censor my life so dont expect me to censor this blog....posts coming soon..